I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
