You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
