is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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