i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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