I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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