Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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