There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
