forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
