So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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