You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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