im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
