You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
