stop calling my apartment porn island.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
