her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
