I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
