Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
