you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
