Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
