The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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