he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
