I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
