Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
her vagine was all disorganized.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
