Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
