Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
