Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
