he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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