And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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