biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
