my phone needs a breathalizer
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
