I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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