Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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