Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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