So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
