So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
