So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
