Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
