Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
