You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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