Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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