he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
