Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
