i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize