PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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