Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
