well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
