Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
