i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize