If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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