My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
