Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
