Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize