I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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