I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
