im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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