Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
