end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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