My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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