9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
