Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
