"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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