dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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