Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
