have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
