If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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