im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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