making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
